Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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