You made me cry and you don't even care
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
