Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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