just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ruined the universe
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
