Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
