Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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