thus making me awesome and them whores
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
