The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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