This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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