So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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