whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
