I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
