I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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