He had one of those small greek statue penises
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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