so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
