is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
