I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
