i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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