weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize