someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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