I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
