Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's always time for handjobs
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
