even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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