can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this will be a night to untag.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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