You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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