She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
