Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
