The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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