Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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