Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my liver is dry heaving
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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