What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
