so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
