my sisters under your porch take her home
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
