is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
