Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
