Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
