He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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