Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
