I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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