I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
