Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I party with great urgency now.
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