I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
