A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
