How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
3 2 1 whiskey
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
how does that bad decision feel?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
