I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
