I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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