Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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