does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
