just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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