dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
