I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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