I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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