No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
