Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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