you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
