I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
