what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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