I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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