paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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