Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
