There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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