people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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