Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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