Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
