please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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