Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
