There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
