i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
