You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
