is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
